Missing the flight of life!

(1)

Ravi is a middle-aged man and lives in Bangalore. It is among the developed cities in India, offering better opportunities and facilities, not yet available to the majority of Indians even today. He represents the new breed of Indians who are successful, well-travelled, hardworking, confident and hopeful about the country’s future. Like most of the IT professionals, he also comes from a modest background in a small town of India. Such places supply talent to cities like Bangalore and Pune where most of the IT companies operate.

Ravi’s previous generation was different. His father studied, worked and lived throughout his life in the same town where he was born. Probably, his son also would get a chance to do the same. Ravi, however, was not that lucky. He was born in a town but had to move to another city for education, and subsequently to an even bigger city for work. That’s pretty much the tale of the majority of the working professionals of his generation. After all, we always have to leave something that is very valuable to us, in order to seek something that seems more significant, at least at that time, sometimes by compulsion and sometimes by choice. A man is like a vehicle that runs on ambitions. The more ambitious he is the faster he runs. In his case, Ravi left his parents, siblings and friends behind to go to a college and then to find a job. And when he got a job, he had to leave those friends whom he met during college. That may be by design, just to make sure that we do not get attached to our environment way too much. However, whether what he studied was based on his own choice, is something that is unknown to him even today, and the same goes for his job. But that was not important for a middle-class person of his generation.

He is different from his father’s generation in one more aspect. His father worked with a single organization for all his life, but Ravi has already changed three jobs. His father was a teacher in a government school and was well respected in the society. Although the responsibility on his shoulders was big, and the work more meaningful and fulfilling, his daily routine was not demanding. Ravi’s case is quite opposite. He feels that even though his work is not so meaningful or fulfilling, his working hours are long and stressful. His father had earned respect and he is earning money. He still remembers, his father would leave home around 9.30 in the morning and come back for lunch; would leave again after lunch, and finally be back home by 5 in the evening. He would walk to his school every day and started using his old bicycle only when he was transferred to another school. Distances were not big then but now even though Ravi drives a car, he cannot dream of coming back home for lunch. If life gives you something, it takes away more from you in return.

(2)

Ravi is a partner in a consulting firm, and by all means, he is quite successful in his career. It is very easy to know how successful one's career has been. As a general rule of thumb, the longer does one stay in the office, the more lunches one skips and the more one travels, apparently the more progressive career does one have. After all, where is the thing called free lunch! Ravi, being successful, also has to travel a lot and more often he travels to other countries.

On one such occasion, when Ravi was travelling to Australia, his flight was delayed because of a bad weather. He passed through the immigration check and decided to wait in the lounge. He took his usual cup of coffee and took out a book from his bag. This book was a collection of poems by Harivansh Rai Bachchan, who has been his favorite poet from college days. This particular book was very dear to him. Someone had gifted him this book in college. While he was absorbed in the poetry and its imagery, a lady in a maroon-colored sari came and sat on the chair next to his. He was oblivious of her arrival but soon he felt the familiarity of the smell of her perfume. Out of curiosity, he turned to his left and looked at the lady. He thought he knew her; was she Mridula? Lady also looked at him, but she couldn’t recognize him.

Ravi turned to her and asked, “Are you Mridula?”

“Yes”, said Mridula, “But how did you know my name?”

Just then she saw the book’s cover in his hand and exclaimed, “Ravi, is that you! What happened to you? You look older; you lost almost all of your hair. Sorry, I couldn’t recognize you.”

She asked, “Do you still keep this book with you?”

Ravi said, “Of course, I do. This reminds me of who I am. This reminds me of you. It reminds me of the college, the canteen, the woods in the college, and the tall trees under which we spent so many beautiful evenings watching the sunset. But then it also reminds me of the biggest loss of my life. Certainly, this is the most precious gift I have ever received.”

Mridula: “I still very vividly remember the way you used to recite your favorite poem from this book. I remember the entire poem – Raat aadhi, khinch kar meri hatheli ek ungli se likha tha pyar tumne¹. I cry even today when I read these lines, especially Is tarah karwat padi thi tum ki aansu bah rahe the is nayan se us nayan me². Do you still write poems?”

Ravi: “Sometimes.”

Ravi: “Did you marry?”

Mridula: “Yes. And you?”

Ravi: “Yes.”

Ravi: “What does your husband do?”

Mridula: “He is an actor.”

Ravi: “And what do you do?”

Mridula: “I run an NGO in Mumbai, in the field of child health and education. How about you?”

Ravi: “I am an IT consultant. I work day and night for my clients and spend most of my time travelling. Whatever time I get after that I utilize in catching up with my sleep.”

Mridula: “Wow! What an interesting life you have! I am full of envy!”

Ravi: “Yeah, I know what you mean. Well, honestly speaking, I don’t even know if I am alive. I feel I have become a robot. They say its corporate life, but I wonder where the life is in corporate!”

Ravi: “shall we go to the bar and carry on with the conversation over drinks? The flight anyway is not going to take off anytime soon.”

Mridula agreed. Ravi ordered his regular scotch and an orange juice for her.

Mridula: “You know, after we left college, I was depressed and used to search for a reason to live. But then I was introduced to a whole new world by a friend of mine. I was introduced to the writings of Osho, and from that point on, my attitude towards life changed. My life transformed after that and I started feeling blessed and happy.”

Ravi: “I went through the same phase, but no one introduced me to Osho! I knew I would never meet you again. What could I say, the dreams that we saw in college couldn’t have both of us together in it. Did you ever regret your decision to face our lives alone and while not holding each other’s hands?”

Mridula: “Well, you know that it was not easy for me either, but we did not have any other choice. I could never do that against my family’s wish. Anyway, there is no point in discussing those things now which we cannot go back and change.”

Ravi: “How beautifully Bachchan gave words to my emotions when he wrote – main laga doon aag us sansar me, hai pyar jisme is tarah asamarth-kaatar³. That’s why I like him so much!”

Mridula: “After college, my parents forced me to get married, but I had other plans. I joined Lucknow University for a course in Hindi literature. Would you believe that! I believe that was the best decision of my life. You had ignited my passion in poetry long time back and somewhere in the back of my head, I always had your image as the role model. I always wanted to write and recite poetry like you. But I soon realized that you cannot learn poetry in classrooms. I started observing life, feeling every emotion and living every moment. I got involved in life and it became my teacher.

I also published two collections of my own poems. I had dedicated the first one to you.”

Ravi orders for another peg. He requests Mridula to read one poem that she must have written thinking about him. She started but couldn’t say a word after reading two lines, as her voice choked after that. His condition was also not very different.

(In the bar, Ghalib’s ghazal was playing – ye na thi hamari qismat ki visaal-e-yaar hota. Ab agar aur jeete rehte yahi intezaar hota. ⁴)

The bartender refilled their glasses.

Mridula: So Ravi, tell me how your life has been in last fifteen years?

Ravi: “where should I start! Jeevan beet gaya sab mera jeene ki tayyari me⁵.

Well, I think I have become more practical and stopped expecting anything from life. In the beginning, it was painful but gradually I learnt it. To turn my attention from the fact that you were not around anymore, I started focusing more and more on work. After college, you know that I had joined an IT company, but then lost my job during the dotcom burst. With nowhere else to go, I enrolled myself in an MBA course. Well, I again started feeling your absence as it was almost a similar environment. In order to get over that, I started studying hard. My hard work paid off with a job offer from a top notch consulting firm.  Since then, I have changed jobs twice, but I am still looking for the elusive Holy Grail, a job that gives me satisfaction.

Now I travel a lot, stay away from family and every morning, I look for a purpose to get up. I make good money and in the eyes of many, I am leading a perfect dream-like life. But I tell you it sucks. I feel a great burden on my heart.”

Mridula: why do you still continue?

Ravi: “I realize that I need to work because I need to support my family, not only support but also need to make sure that I am able to fulfill their dreams. I guess, after a certain point, you stop living for yourself or stop chasing just your own dreams. That way I have a purpose, and I believe that this feeling makes me humble and more human. That’s the real growth of a man. I think everyone should get married and have kids. It helps one grow as a human being.

But then I lost the real ‘I’ in me. I had lost interest in life when you decided to part ways. Since then, I was like that sailboat that floats on the mercy of the wind. I was fortunate to get a loving wife who taught me to fall in love again. I also have a lovely son. They are why I live now. But I am hardly able to live with them now.

Sometimes I feel that life is like a huge loan given to us and we repay it through silent EMI’s. It takes away your freedom, your love, your dreams, it snatches from you the real purpose of your existence and puts you in a complete darkness, where you can neither stay nor escape from it. It is a big price to pay.

Anyway, enough about me. Tell me about your family.”

Mridula: “My husband Anant is an actor. He is a trained actor from NSD and acts in plays and TV serials. I met him through a common friend when he was visiting the University for doing his play. We had an instant connect. He is a very good man and lives for his passion that is acting. He keeps coming to Bangalore and few months back his team did a play in Rang Shankara. We have a son and we have adopted a daughter. We named our son Ravi.”

Ravi asks for another refill.

Mridula: “Now tell me about your wife.”

Ravi: “My wife Maansi is a pediatrician, and I am fortunate to have her in my life. She too is very passionate about her work, and she loves kids. She is a happy-go-lucky person and keeps the environment at home very lively. She is spiritual and because of her, my son is grounded. I am sure she would be very happy to support the work you are doing through your NGO.

I think you should meet her. She knows everything about you – your favorite food, songs, books, what makes you happy and when you get angry, etc. She knows everything that was between us. She would be excited to meet you. May be, next time when you are in the city, you should call on us.”

Ravi: “Ok, tell me, what you did with the Ghalib’s CD and the Deewan-e-Ghalib that I had gifted you?”

Mridula: “Don’t ask. The language was difficult for me, but I made real use of my university days. I had a friend in the Urdu department who was a big fan of Ghalib herself. She taught me the difficult words and explained the meanings of the ghazals. She used to read Ghalib in tarannum⁶. I also learned that from her.”

Ravi: “prove it to me. You will have to sing. I would not believe it otherwise.”

Mridula: “Well, I cannot do it here. For this, you would have to invite me to your home.”

(In the background Ghalib’s ghazal is still playing – jala hai jism jahan, dil bhi jal gaya hoga. Kuredte ho jo ab raakh, justaju kya hai! ⁷)

Mridula: “why don’t you make efforts to find yourself back? Reclaim yourself. Start seeing the life the same way you used to see when you were in college. Start enjoying the small moments, the flowers, the sunset, the rains, everything. Don’t confine yourself to work. Start writing again.

Take a vacation. Go on long drives. May be, you change your profession. Get out of it if it is not making sense to you and if you are not enjoying it. Start something on your own or find something that makes you happy.”

Ravi: “The college days were different when we used to live without an iota of fikr⁸. How I can get those days back! Hazaron khwahishein aisin ki har khwahish par dam nikle⁹!

What would I do if I don’t go to office? I cannot do anything else for my living. And how would I be able to continue the lifestyle I have now? Who will pay me the way I get paid now for doing something else! How would I satisfy the life’s growing hunger and the constant demands that it makes? You know it’s like the lotus stem in the pond that keeps rising with the rising water level but doesn’t come down when the water recedes. It dies but cannot adjust and lower its position. I will have to maintain the level”

Mridula: “But are you happy? Isn’t your life like that imaginary circle that keeps growing and growing and you are standing on the circumference, slowly moving away from the center? That center is your own center, your own self, the real ‘I’ in you.”

Ravi: “Isn’t the radius of that circle our ambitions, our dreams, our responsibilities?”

Mridula: “May be yes. But you can come closer to the center. Find your passion. Reduce your needs. Bunk office like we used to bunk the classes. On some days, take the bus to the office instead of driving your car. Surprise your family by coming home early sometimes. Show them that you care for them. Be with them when they need you. Attend the PTM’s at your son’s school. Take him to his favorite play zone in the mall.”

Ravi: “Who are you devi! Where are your feet! How much have you changed! What happened to that practical girl whom I used to know?”

Mridula: “Yeah. It happens. Life teaches you. Wisdom takes over the logic. Heart takes over the mind. That’s also growth. In my eyes, that’s the real evolution and not when you graduate from owning a bike to owning a car or moving from a rented apartment to owning one of your own. These changes are visible to the outside world but what the outside world can’t see is the smile that is missing from your face and the agitation going on in your mind and heart. The inner evolution brings the smile back on your face. The Holy Grail that each one of us is chasing is this smile, this happiness and not that BMW.

The work that we do is definitely essential for our sustenance but we don’t live for this. We do it so that we can live. We live for something else. We live for beauty, love, passion. Isn’t something of that sort Mr. Keating used to tell his boys in the beautiful movie Dead Poets Society?

Happiness comes automatically when all internal conflicts subside, when all parts in you are in sync and there is absolutely no conflict. But if your heart says one thing and you do another, there will be a conflict. Invest your hard work and time in your passion. One thing is for sure, you are not passionate about what you are doing now.

What does your wife say?”

Ravi: “Ditto. She feels that I would do better as a teacher.”

Mridula: “See. Nobody understands the man better than the girl who loves him. Even I feel so. You were such a good teacher even when you were a student! How many papers I could clear only because of you.”

(3)

(There is an announcement that the flight has been cancelled. It would take off only on the next day.)

Ravi decides to take Mridula home. Now she could meet Maansi. But he doesn’t inform Maansi. He wanted to surprise her.

They took a taxi outside the airport. After an hour’s drive they reached Ravi’s house. Maansi was indeed very happy to see Mridula. Both of them had an instant liking for each other.

Dinner was ready. They had dinner. After sometime Ravi took his son to the bedroom and both of them fell asleep soon. The ladies continued to chat for hours after that.

Mridula was interested in Ravi’s poetry. She requested Maansi if she could see them. Maansi brought Ravi’s diaries and Mridula started reading them one by one. She continued to read until dawn. In the morning, she asked Maansi if she could borrow some of the diaries for few days. Maansi agreed but Ravi did not get a hint.

In the morning, Ravi called his boss and told him that he was sending his resignation. He said that he was going out for a week and they would discuss once he is back.

After finishing their breakfast, they went to the airport to drop Mridula.

After coming back, they packed their bags and left for the Andamans in the afternoon.

In few days after coming back from Andamans, Ravi received a letter from a publisher saying that they have decided to publish his book of poems. He was taken by surprise, but he soon understood everything.

He wanted to write again. He wanted to live. He took out a diary and started turning pages. He found a poem on a page that he had written sometime back that could describe his emotions. It was like a dream coming true!

The poem was:

Mujhe pata hai tumne

Unchaaiyaan haasil kar li hain

Everest ho gaye ho

Par khushk aur thande

Kabhi-kabhi to

Utaro apne aasmaan se

Aao to jara maidaanom me

Pighal jaao aur bahne lago

Phir jindagi ki dhaar ban kar¹⁰

Ravi knew that the ice inside him has thawed, and he has started flowing again. He is confident that he would soon find his rhythm back. He is just hoping that the time freezes and this moment never ends.

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1 – The night was past its half, you pulled my hand and with your finger wrote love on my palm

2 – You were lying on your side such that your tears from one eye were flowing down into the other

3 – I would put that world on fire where love is so powerless and coward

4 – This was not in my destiny to meet my beloved. If I were still living, I would still have been waiting.

5 – I spent my entire life just in preparation for living

6 – To sing in a tune

7 – When the body has been burnt, the heart would have been burnt as well. You are digging into the ashes, after all what are you looking for!

8 – Worry

9 – Thousands of such wishes I have that fulfilling just one would need an entire life

10 –

I know very well that

You have attained great heights

Like the great Everest

But cold and arid

Listen, sometimes

Come down from your sky

Come to the plains

Thaw and just start flowing

Once again like the stream of life